Noa is a woman of 60, who came to see me with the recommendation of a doctor, to treat her severe shortness of breath. We begin a process together. Of course, a life story of 60 years is a packed story. Noa is a very pleasant woman, independent, opinionated, knowledgeable and aware, a wife and a mother of two grown boys.

While working together, we discovered that one of the patterns that causes her suffering and her shortness of breath, is the fear of being happy. Here we quickly observe and recognize how the thoughts of father - who suffered from depression and anxiety - became her own. The messages she received at home and from her environment were: “I cannot be happy, because something bad will happen”, “I don’t deserve good”, and an array of other suchlike thoughts that strengthen feelings of fear and guilt.

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Noa completes her ten-session process, healing, and getting stronger every day, yet still comes in for a session every once in a while, with a shortness of breath.

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Today in our conversation I recognize how the environment contributed its share. Little Noa continues to self affirm that she is in a state of daily anxiety when she is with her parents. She tells me that if on her way home from school, an ambulance would drive by, the only thought in her head would be “my mother is dead”. A girl of 7, running home all the way up the street with this harrowing thought. Another story from today was how little Noa accidentally overheard her mother tell a friend that she felt a lump in her breast. The next morning Noa’s mother wakes Noa and her brother, and greets them good morning, and as she looks at them, Noa’s experience is that her mother is saying a final goodbye. While Noa absorbed an experience of fear at home, and messages such as “don’t be happy”, “feel guilty”, or it's “not ok” to feel joy, it was these two stories from today that led me to see that the thought that governs Noa is “I can’t be happy because then I lose control over my life, and danger lurks all around me”.

Noa’s fear is a paralyzing death fear, that doesn’t allow her to feel joy. It is important to state that the shortness of breath comes about in full force right before a happy occasion, such as going on vacation, her son’s wedding, a grandchild’s birth, etc.

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Therefore, for Noa, the negative thought behind her shortness of breath is an inability to contain the experience of life, and a fear of experiencing life fully. Breathing is life, when we stop breathing - we die. An inability to breathe - an inability to live.

Once we recognize the negative thought behind the physical symptom, and bring it into our conscious mind, the healing process begins.

 

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Written for you with love by Idit Alon – you’re welcome to share, please credit the original post